To Infinity And...

Yes!

2010-03-26T00:52:00.002-05:00

Today was a good day, not for any specific reason, I was just happy pretty much all day.

As far as days go it was pretty standard. Wake up, eat, hang out, work, relax, that's about it.

It just seems like something clicked and made a standard day a good thing instead of a bad thing. I like it.

Here's to tomorrow being another good day.

Deleted

2010-03-22T13:12:00.008-05:00

Last Wednesday I removed everything that represented Julie from my life. A few hundred pictures and dozens of emails from my computer, personal items that I couldn't quite let go of when I moved out of the old apartment, handwritten letters. All that's left is a ring and the memory of a promise. Hopefully those will be gone soon as well.

I hadn't been able to get rid of those things before this point. There was always the thought that I might want to look back at them again, to remember what we had, to reminisce about our happier times. I was worried that I would permanently delete them and later regret it when I had nothing to hold on to. Over the last few months though I've realized that holding on to that past is the last thing I want. Not only do I want to leave it behind, I want to erase it completely. I don't want even the memory of that life to be a part of my future.

In six weeks I'll be moving to Oklahoma and I will look back, but not because of her. I'll miss the mountains before they even fade out of view in my mirrors. I'll miss the city and how active and alive it is. I'll miss all the great friends I've made who have supported me through everything. I will not miss anything of Julie.

She accused me of things I did not do, which she would later do herself and lie about. She asked for everything from me and indeed offered everything in return, with the exception of the one thing I wanted, her love. Shortly after she told me she didn't want to be with me she said it wasn't that she didn't want to get married, she just didn't want to marry me. I almost laughed at that point. I had known she didn't want to be with me for over a year, I just wouldn't allow myself to see it. I had tried to leave her several months earlier for that exact reason and she lured me back in with the belief that she really did care, that she really did want to be with me. The 'me' had nothing to do with it though, she just didn't want to be alone.

After four years of being with her, and now nine months without, I still can't decide whether it was worth it all, whether or not I would do it all again. I may never decide. In the end, I can't imagine it would matter though. Life does go on. Happiness is still out there waiting. It's time to push forward on my own, towards better things. In time most of it will be forgotten, even the worst memories will become as neutral as the times I scraped my knee as a child. That neutral memory though, is all that will be left, everything else is deleted.

The Suck

2010-03-15T12:34:00.002-05:00

Having a headache for 14 hours straight and only getting about 5 hours of sleep because of it is not what I like to call "fun." Make it go away!

Life and Death

2010-03-03T01:21:00.003-06:00

Today I found out that Julie just had her baby, yesterday I think, and I wish I hadn't. It absolutely kills me inside. It feels as if there is mass eruption about to occur, my brain just doesn't want to think about this anymore. My insides are screaming. I also found out who the baby belongs to which makes it that much worse. I feel sick.

I was supposed to be there. It was supposed to me looking down on my new baby boy. Holding him and sharing the joy of starting a family with my wife. Instead I'm sitting here sobbing in quiet misery for something that I can never get back. It really doesn't matter how hard I work to improve my life, there is one thing that will always be missing.

Upgrade... Sort Of

2010-02-24T13:15:00.002-06:00

I was getting tired of the old template, plus the background picture had stopped working and the white was boring.

This template is temporary until I find something new. Or maybe I'll just customize this one more. Have a great Wednesday everybody!

WTF?!

2010-02-18T14:06:00.002-06:00

"What the Fact" of the day.

More than 2,500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products.

Hilarious and you know it.

Oldies But Goldies

2010-02-18T13:38:00.003-06:00

Today I was going through some old files of mine on my computer and came across some chat sessions with some friends and a bunch of old writings/poems of mine. After reading through a lot of them I have to wonder about my sanity. There are some really weird things in there. Not that there is anything wrong with that I guess, but really, what was going through my head? I do sometimes miss writing but if that's what my brain starts spewing out when I put a pencil to paper then I'm not sure I should ever write again.

I'm sure someone in the right mindset might think that stuff is funny or maybe even a bit creative but any normal person I think would just be bewildered. Who knows? Not I.

On another note, I started learning Spanish with Rosetta Stone today. I've tried other languages before but the motivation just wasn't there. This time there's no quitting. Don't try, do. New philosophy for the week, or even better, for the rest of my life.

Everything else is still looking up as well. I think I might finally be getting this "life" thing figured out. I just need to get my jumping shoes on so when the next giant wall comes I can hurdle right over it. Or maybe I'll just barrel right through the middle of it. The method doesn't really matter though I suppose, as long as I get to the other side quickly. Don't try, do.

Turn Around

2010-02-11T01:39:00.002-06:00

Over the past 2 weeks I've started to really get my life on track, physically, mentally and spiritually. It hasn't been easy but it's been extremely rewarding so far. The best part, I haven't given up and I've worked things out so I don't give up this time. All three aspects have been difficult to improve but I've discovered something surprising (to me anyway). Working on any one things tends to bleed over and improve on one or both other aspects as well.

I finally feel I'm on the right path to being happy with myself again. I need less reassurance from people and I'm able to control my mood better no matter what outside influences there are. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I'm learning to be happy again and it's great.

Things definitely aren't perfect yet but I am moving forward now. No more living with the status quo. The next 2-3 months are going to be the hardest but I know I can make it through and after that things should start going much smoother. If not I'll still persevere. I am strong and will continue to get stronger and eventually nothing will stop me.

Finished

2009-11-29T18:01:00.002-06:00

Some things change a person temporarily. A stubbed toe will make a person more cautious while climbing the stairs. Some things change a person permanently. A broken back will keep a person from climbing the stairs ever again. It's unfortunate really, but it's life. I guess some people just aren't meant for certain things; life decides for itself how it should pass, no matter what anyone else thinks should happen.

wtf?!

2009-10-20T01:30:00.003-05:00

Over the past couple of days I've been feeling depressed again and I don't know why. It's really starting to piss me off though. I don't really have any reason to be depressed, I just am. Things aren't perfect by any means but they aren't terrible considering. It just sucks because I was doing so well and now I'm back to this. Maybe it's just that time of the month and it will go away soon. Here's hoping.

Paradise?

2009-08-28T00:56:00.003-05:00

Here I am, sitting on the 10th floor balcony with friends, beer, pizza, chocolate milk and Oreo's. It doesn't get much better than this. I've always loved hearing sounds of people from a distance. I can barely hear the sounds of the cars driving below between the constant laughter spurned on by a few beers in the system and the general good humored nature of our group. These are times that I cherish more than any other and for me its paradise.

Not Your Average Love Story

2009-08-26T12:52:00.002-05:00

It's been just over two months since my fiance left me, my ex-fiance. We would have been married for just over one month. I can say I definitely have a better outlook on life right now than I did a month ago, but I'm still not to the point yet where I'm completely happy. I still can't make myself believe that I'm happier now than I would have been with had things worked out. I think that one will take a while, even though I may be happy at times now, extremely happy even, the consistency of my happiness is less that would I know it would have been.

In other news, Ted Kennedy died yesterday and it really has no affect on me at all. I also moved in to a new place about three weeks ago. It's pretty nice, fairly cheap and my roommate isn't terrible. I met my roommate on Craigslist by the way. I've done it before and it's always been interesting. So far it's working out great. We even managed to throw together a pretty successful bbq. Large amount of alcohol, food and throwing fully clothed people into the pool is always fun. Also, karaoke = awesomesauce, even though I hate singing in front of other people, I enjoy watching others do it.

The best thing about the bbq was the girl. The whole thing is crazy and I never saw it coming. I can't complain though because she's great. Two days before the bbq I was so sure that I never wanted to be in a relationship again. I've always known that I will never understand how life works, this just further embeds that idea deep into my brain. Now she is my happiness. As I stated before, I'm still not happy all the time, but she gives me hope that I will be again someday.

I have more to write but work is calling. I bike four miles there and back. It may seem like a long distance but I really enjoy it. I've become increasingly fond of biking and running because of all this. It relieves so much stress and gives me time to think about everything. I definitely recommend it.

Also, her name is Kristi.

Inspiration

2009-08-25T21:25:00.004-05:00

Well, I've been inspired to write again. I don't know what I'll write about as my life is about as unentertaining as it's ever been. I'm not going to concern myself with that for now though. A lot of things have happened since my last vow to never post again. Updates on that will have to wait though since I'm posting this from my phone and writing paragraphs on a keyboard that is smaller than the palm of my hand isn't the easiest thing I've ever done. I will say, however, that things are better, much better, despite the typical setbacks and assholes that life constantly throws my way.

Just Kidding

2009-07-19T23:51:00.002-05:00

Well, things don't always work out as planned I guess. Wedding cancelled, relationship over, life plans gone. I'm still trying to work things out for myself but it's unlikely I'll be sharing via blogging. Consider this blog dead, I'll probably never post here again.

F-in hilarious

2008-04-12T11:56:00.004-05:00

OUCH Charlie!

I love when his expression changes from "Haha this is funny," to "Oh shit that really hurts." Then the baby laughs, because he knows he's bad ass.

On the Road Again

2007-10-25T09:47:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is the day I move to Denver. Yay! I'm really excited to get there, but not at all excited about doing everything I need to do to get there. I still need to do laundry, pack, load the vehicles, call my school in Denver about financial aid, call someone else in Denver about class registration, and take one last final. Tomorrow at 10 a.m. is my last final and as soon as I'm finished with that I'm off to Denver. Google says it's a 10 hour drive but I'm hoping I can make it a bit quicker. It won't be the longest drive I've ever done but it's still a lot and it's still going to suck.

After I get to Denver I need to unpack, unpack, unpack! because I have class again there on Monday. Woo! Ok, not really. I mean, I really do have class on Monday, I'm just not excited enough to "woo" about it.

Baby!!!

2007-10-05T23:51:00.000-05:00

This morning at 10:33 am my sister gave birth to a baby boy! Jacob Daniel Orcutt was 7 lbs. 15 oz. and 20 in. long. He's going to go by Daniel I think. Also, today is my sister's 27th birthday so it's been an exciting day for her.

I haven't gotten to see pictures yet, but hopefully in a couple days someone will find the time to send me some. Next weekend I get to go back to Oklahoma for the last time before I move to Denver and I'll get to see the new addition to the family. I'm really excited to see my new nephew but I'm nervous too. I've never held a baby before (I know my sister will want me to hold him) and it kind of scares me. Is that weird? I'm sure I'll be fine but I'm gonna be nervous until then.

God for fragglenoogin mittencups!&#%*!$!

2007-09-21T11:49:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty one-hundred percent positive that the world is full of lazy people, assholes, or, more likely than either of those, lazy assholes.

Get Motivated

2007-09-15T14:51:00.002-05:00

Green Paper

2007-09-12T22:30:00.001-05:00

Today I had the sudden urge to eat a green note card, that was sitting on a table, as fast as I could. It was sitting next to yellow and pink note cards but I didn't want to eat them. I just wanted to eat the green one... really, really fast. I didn't do it, but oh how I wanted to.

Packers Win!

2007-09-10T10:39:00.001-05:00

Heck yes they did.

I didn't think they would be able to pull it off, but they did, and I'm proud. It was mainly the defense and special teams that held it together but they pulled it off and that's all that matters. I just wish I could have actually watched more than the last minute and a half of the game. Oh well. Go Green Bay!

I also went to World's/Ocean's of Fun this weekend. It was pretty exciting, mainly because I got to see Julie for the first time in a month.

I also started a couple of new classes last week. Technical Writing and Computer Programming. Boooorrring... You try sitting through 3 hours of English lecture and 4 hours of Computer Programming without falling asleep. It's impossible I tell you. Impossible!

Nothing else exciting has really happened since my last post a million years ago, well, except that I won a million dollars. Ok, not really, but maybe if I say it enough it will come true?

Also, it's September already? What the heck happened to the rest of the year?

Rain Drops

2007-08-09T01:10:00.000-05:00

It's raining really hard outside right now. One might even call it a thunder storm. Yes, there is thunder... and lightning. I love a good storm, but right now it's making me lonely. Right now, if I had a time machine, I would either go into the future 3 months, or into the past 2 years. Things aren't bad right now, they just were/will be better then.

Wowzers

2007-08-07T22:36:00.001-05:00

I spontaneously moved this weekend. Yeah. I say spontaneous because on Wednesday I thought I was going to stay at my then current residence for another three months, then on Thursday I found out I had to move, and then on Friday/Saturday I moved. I dare anyone else to not only move everything they own in two days, but to actually find a place to move it all and get it done with only three days notice. I was fairly panicky for a while, but I got it all down and now I'm settled down in my new residence with new roommates, who I like much better than my previous ones.

My new address will be on Facebook for anyone who knows me. For everyone else, you can't have it, unless you ask really nice, and send cookies, and a watermelon... I love watermelon.

Now I should probably stop procrastinating and start studying for my midterm tomorrow. Bah.

So Sad

2007-07-30T10:39:00.001-05:00

I don't have the internet at home anymore and this makes me very sad. I still try to check blogs and facebook and whatnot a couple of times a week, but don't expect too much interaction from me. Although I suppose most people never expected much to begin with.

The End

2007-07-13T03:52:00.000-05:00

I don't know what the heck I was doing, but apparently I have spontaneous moments of retardation.

The Art Museum in Denver. It was pretty uniquely shaped and that statues/sculptures around it fit the same description just as well.

The Capitol building in Denver. Ooooh aaaahh. It was pretty neat I guess, but the gold dome is what really set it off.

This is me wakeboarding for the first time ever. Woooo go me! It was tons of fun and I only fell like three time... or five... or ten.

One of the first views of the mountains I had. The clouds kind of obscured them for most of the time because it was rainy a lot but they were beautiful and I miss them already.

A little road that winds through the mountains following a little stream the whole way. Driving on the winding roads was fun but climbing up the side of one of the mountains was way better.

This is what was at the beginning of one of the streams. At 8,300ish feet we drove around a corner and all of a sudden there was this huge lake. It was really beautiful and unexpected and the 45 minute drive to get there was totally worth it.

This is actually a pretty good size waterfall but the speed of the current is what was really impressive. Also, it was probably the coldest water I've felt in my life. Burrrr.

I definitely can't wait to move to Denver now. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go play in the mountains every day. I tried to bring one home with me, but Julie wouldn't let me, so I'll just have to wait until October to play some more.

I apologize ahead of time for any spelling errors or unintelligible sentences. It's 4:30 in the morning and I can barely make out the words on the screen. So, without further ado, goodnight!

Before I Go

2007-06-22T13:23:00.000-05:00

Here is what I looked like four hours ago:

This is what I look like now:

It took over a month to grow and about 30 minutes (I don't have an electric shaver) to shave. It was pretty long, for me, and fairly unkempt... and it had to go. It was fun while it lasted but I don't think I'll do it again for a while.

Anyway, I must now be off so I can start my grand adventure! Wish me luck. Have a great two weeks. If I find time, and a working internet connection, I'll make a quick post from where ever I am, but it's not likely.

Off We Go

2007-06-21T04:30:00.000-05:00

The next two weeks consist of my summer vacation in its entirety. I, therefore, will not be home and am unlikely to post. That's hardly different than my usual regime but I thought this time I'd give a reason for my absence. After all, this time I actually do have a good reason to not post, unlike my usual excuse of being too lazy or not having enough motivation.

It's going to be a busy two weeks. I'm going to Middle of Nowhere, Nebraska and to Denver and it promises to be exciting on both fronts. I can't wait to see mountains for the first time in my life. I'm fairly sure I was meant to live near them and it will be like coming home. Maybe I'll come back with pictures of my trip, but only if you're lucky.

Brownies

2007-06-21T04:01:00.000-05:00

I just made some super delicious brownies. Unfortunately, I can't eat them yet or I would burn my mouth. When I said "just" I meant just that. They're quite fresh and very hot. Now, while awaiting the chance to eat my delectable treat, I've decided to continue my dishing out of compliments.

Next on the list is... well I don't know her name, but she writes on the blog, and under the alias, Girl, Dislocated, a very fitting title indeed. Of the blogs I read, her posts are probably the longest. They're so easy and fun to read though, that I don't even notice. Every story is a great one and if she were ever to write a book about of her life I'd read it in an instant. She has more wild and crazy adventures than even I think I could handle. Every day brings her a new challenge and she handles them all so well that any super hero would be jealous. The fact that she's so down to earth and takes all of her follies and escapades so well is a testimant to her strength of will and her great personality. Her blog doesn't say much about her personal lifestyle, so her compliments may seem somewhat impersonal, but she's an amazing person and she should be proud of all the things she's accomplished.

Izzy at On the Verve is next in line. Izzy isn't her real name, in fact I don't know her real name, but it fits well with her personality and spunk. She says she's shy but I don't buy it. She has a lot of energy and an extreme amount of the aforementioned spunk. She's hilarious in too many ways to count and she has the intelligence and wit to balance it out quite nicely. I would say she's almost too clever for her own good, but that's not a bad thing at all. After all, this is a post about giving compliments, and I consider that one. Almost more important than anything else though, is that she can take a joke, and has plenty of her own, in a world that is all too serious these days. She exudes fun and she compliments that by being versatile enough to sit down and have a serious or enlightening conversation as well. At least, I think she can.

Then there's... umm... well I don't know if I'm allowed to say her real name, so I'll say Kissa, since that what her blog says her name is, and she's writing from Temporarily Unavailable. Oh what to say about miss Kissa. When I'm around her I tend to do and say some very odd things. She gives off a strange and wonderful energy and it's nearly impossible not to get sucked in. It's always a good time with her around and doing silly and crazy things is generally a must in her presence. This recent late night brownie binge was even inspired by one of our own antics and although these brownies promise to be just as tasty, making them just wasn't quite as fun without her around to liven things up. She's just a great person to have around in any situation and as proof of that fact, I'm pretty sure my parents would trade her for me any day, she's just that awesome.

Last but not least is another person whose real name I'm not sure if I'm allowed to reveal. She blogs at kRaziE crAniUm and, according to it, goes by krAzie onE, a title that I'm not at all surprised at. This girl is indeed crazier than most people I know but only when she wants to be. She's at the heart of some of the best memories I have in the years after high school and it's sad that I don't hear much from her these days. She very rarely blogs but it's understandable because she's definitely one of the busiest people I know. It's funny too, because without her I'd still probably be spelling definitely incorrectly (I always spelled it definately) and getting mad at spellcheck everytime it told me I was wrong. Ok maybe you had to be there. She's a great person already but she's always trying to better herself as well and that's a quality everyone should strive for.

The end.

Well, not the end of the post, but the end of my compliments. It was definitely harder to come up with things for the people that I don't actually know, but that's a given I guess. I generally tend to be very observant though and everything I said was my honest opinion, although that means that it could be very and completely wrong. I did my best and as they say, it's the thought that counts, right?

P.S.

The brownies are fantabulous! If only I had a glass of milk to go with them. Oh well.

The Egg Sandwich

2007-06-17T00:22:00.000-05:00

It took me two days, but I finally did make that egg sandwich. In fact, I made two. Go me. They were very delicious, but there goodness didn't quite match up to hearing about how awesome I am, because I always love that. Miss Izzy over at On the Verve delivered a nice little round compliments about how amazing I really am.

After basking in said awesomeness for a little while, I decided that I should share the love. After all, everyone loves compliments, and most people, myself included, don't give enough of them these days. So, this post I'm going to go through my blog roll and go dish out some well deserved compliments to my favorite bloggers. Some of the people I know outside of the blog world and some I don't, but they all manage to amuse me and I wouldn't read their blogs if they didn't have at least a few good qualities.

First up is Contessa at 1001 Ways to be Naked. Not only is she gorgeous, but she takes some amazing pictures as well. In fact, as proof of her talent, she just recently got a job doing just that. Contessa isn't her real name, I don't know what her real name is, but I do know that she's an amazingly strong person. She's been through more in the time that I've been reading her blog than anyone should ever have to go through and she's managed to keep it together better than pretty much anyone I know could. Her strength is something to be inspired by but it's her humor and wit that keeps me reading her blog. She has a fantastic and creative writing style that I very much enjoy and I always look forward to reading her stories.

Next up is my dearest Julie which I have listed as A Dream Within a Dream, though the title of the blog sometimes changes. We've been dating for almost two years and it has been, and continues to be, the best experience of my life. She's smart and beautiful, and I can't help but be happier when she's around. I always say that I don't know what I'd do without her, and then she always says I'd be fine, but she makes my life better than fine, she makes it absolutely wonderful. I hate to be cliche, but she truly is the light of my life, and she makes my little world a much better place to be. In October we're moving to Colorado together, and although I know it won't always be the bliss that I currently imagine in my head, I can't wait to be able to see her more often than once a week, or once a month, for once in our relationship.

Then there's Robin at A.K.A. Binsk. Sadly, she doesn't post as often as she used to, but I like to think she's off doing bigger and better things. Her blog was one of the first that I came across and her quirky sense of humor has managed to hold my short attention span when ,after a few months of reading, other bloggers failed to do so. She's the type of person the I think I could instantly become best friends with, which is rare for me, if I ever had the chance to meet her, but since she lives in Canada and I like sweltering summers and winters without snow, that's not likely to ever happen. She's super down to earth, and from me that's one of the best compliments you can get. I miss reading her posts, and I guess I don't know if she even reads this blog anymore, especially since I rarely post, but once again, I like to think she's off doing something spectacular, because I know she's quite capable of great things.

Up next is Elycia at And Now I Have Your Attention.... Like a lot of my blog roll, she doesn't post much either these days, but that's understandable because, from what I hear, she's a pretty busy girl. Unfortunately I don't ever get to see her anymore because of school and the distance between each of ours, but when we're together we have some of the best adventures the world has ever seen. She is one of the most fun people I know and I always feel like I can be myself around her. I also trust her more than most people. She's the type of person that I can talk to about anything and I don't have to worry about being judged or her telling the world my problems and secrets. She's a great friend indeed, and I can't wait for another one of our adventures.

Well, I've been working on this post for over two hours now, with a little distraction from the TV, and it's getting quite long, so I think the rest of my list will have to wait. I promise I'll get to it soon though, so no worries for those of you eagerly awaiting your compliments.

Well...

2007-06-14T22:52:00.000-05:00

I got the motivation to sort of change my template, but now I don't have the motivation to really post anything that might be somewhat interesting. Nothing exciting has really happened since my last post anyway. I have grown quite the beard though. I figure since I'm moving to Denver I might as well fit in with all the other mountain men there. But like I said, that's really not that interesting, unless of course you have a beard fetish, which would be odd, but not as odd as some fetishes I've heard of.

.......

I almost typed out a whole rant on fetishes right there, but like I said before, the motivation to post anything worthwhile just isn't there. So, if you want, you can imagine that I said something very entertaining, somewhat hilarious, and indeed very likable. Maybe tomorrow the inspiration will arrive along with an egg sandwich (which sounds really good right now, in fact, maybe I'll go get make myself one when I'm finished with this), and I'll post something amusing, but don't get your hopes up, it's not likely. And.... goodnight.

Thinking Thoughts

2007-05-04T21:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think weird thoughts. No really. I think extremely odd, and probably somewhat abnormal, things way too often. Take today for example. As I was lying on the table, with the buzzing of the MRI machine around my head and nothing at all to do, I began to think thoughts.

It was a 'what if?' sort of thought. What if, from the time of birth, every single person always heard a somewhat, but not exceedingly, loud, in fact, just loud enough to be considered loud and still be a background noise, noise? (Yes that sentence makes sense. Just read it over a couple times.) Everyone would hear that noise their entire life. They would become so accustomed to it that eventually it would be ignored and essentially forgotten.

Then, what would happen if that noise suddenly stopped. All at once, the entire world would stop hearing it. What would happen? How would that effect people? How many people would feel that there was something missing but wouldn't know what?

I just think it would be crazy to have something your entire life, For it to become so natural that you don't even think about it and it really is forgotten, and then to lose it. I think my brain would have to battle over feeling a complete sense of loss or a sense of wonderment. It would be crazy I tell you!

That's about as far as I got because the doctor people started asking me questions. It was an exciting concept though. I thought so anyway. I told you they were weird thoughts. They get worse at times too, but I'm not sure I want to share some them.

Don't Breath

2007-04-30T14:45:00.000-05:00

I'm currently sitting in the computer lab at school attempting to finish my paper that's due in roughly an hour. About 30 minutes ago a guy walked in and sat at the row of computers across from me and immediately this terrible stench had the audacity to creep up my nostrils. Since then I haven't taken one breath that I didn't regret. The need to finish this paper is constantly struggling with my primitive unconcious need to survive and carry on the existence of my species. The exit is looking ever more pleasant. How is it the one person can smell so horrible? I still have about an hour to work on my paper but I think I'm going to have to call it quits early. It's only the rough draft anyway and I can't stand the smell any longer.

Arg Blarg

2007-04-26T03:05:00.000-05:00

Sleep just isn't what it used to be. I used to love sleeping. I would sleep all day long if I could. However, when this was the case, I never could get to sleep. I would lay in bed for a minimum of an hour before falling asleep. It sucked a lot because all I wanted to do is close my eyes and be taken away into dreamland but I couldn't.

Now, I fall asleep just fine. My head hits the pillow and I'm out. I just don't my head to hit the pillow. I feel like sleeping is such a waste of time. I could be doing other things, like procrastinating and wasting time, but I get so tired that I can't function beyond a few simple gestures and some caveman like attempts at communication.

So, I sit here at nearly 3 o'clock in the morning, avoiding going to bed as long as possible. I watch terrible infomercials and search for obscure websites in a pointless attempt to avoid the unavoidable. Or I just start a pointless blog post, space out for twenty minutes, and then forget what the hell I was talking about, or why I was talking about it, upon my return to the real world. My thumb hurts.

*Note: Any reference to cavemen is based on pre-Geico assumptions of caveman intelligence and in no way claims to realistically judge the ability for a cavemen to communicate. It is merely a figure of speech. Or something.

Interview

2007-04-22T18:55:00.000-05:00

This is from Izzy at On the Verve.

Here is how the game is played: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better. If I already know you well, expect the questions to be a little more intimate!
You then update your journal/bloggy thing/whatever with the answers to the questions. (No excuses; it's required.) You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

She decided to ask me six questions, so, she either doesn't play fair, was in a hurry, or she can't count. Anyway, here we go.

Q: What's the most invasive/serious medical procedure you've ever had done?
A: My medical history is about as boring as they come. Not necessarily because I play it safe, but more because I'm lucky. I've never had any serious medical problems. I've never been to a hospital for myself. Normally I only get sick once a year. Probably the worst of any medical procedures I've had was a long time ago at the dentist when they had to x-ray my teeth. They made me stick this little cardboard thing, that tasted terrible, in my mouth and bite down on it, which of course made it dig, quite uncomfortably, into my gums. It wasn't the most pleasant experience of my life. That's about it really. Lame I know.

Q: What's something you've noticed women do that drives you nuts? (In a "crazy irritated" manner; let's try to keep it at least PG-13.)
A: Women are vicious when speaking about other women behind their backs. Most of the time it's harmless, but sometimes I'm completely shocked at how malicious or just plain rude girls can be to each other. I mean really, who are you to judge what that girl wears or who she dates? Women are just too quick to judge in any situation. That answer probably doesn't quite fit the "crazy irritated" conditions very well but it's the first thing that came to mind.

Q: Do you look better when dry, or when wet?
A: When it comes to looks, the definition of 'better' changes with my mood. Right now I would say everyone looks better wet, myself included. But that could change later.

Q: Do you prefer eating finger foods with or without utensils? (Think things like chicken nuggets and pizza.)
A: I think I prefer the taste of foods I eat with utensils more. Not by much, but I love pasta and chili and I could probably eat some form of them every day. However, eating a big, juicy hamburger or a greasy, cheesy slice of pizza is somehow much more satisfying. So if I had to pick one, I'd say I prefer finger foods for the simple enjoyment of eating them.

Q: What's your typical bathing routine?
A: I generally shower every other day. If I shower every day my skin becomes dessert-like in its dryness and constant itching becomes a major problem. However, when I was working outside in 110 degree temperatures, sweat, dirt and who-know-what-else combined pretty much made showering everyday a requirement. So, although I don't normally shower daily, I will if necessary.

Q: Choice: Kill a small mammal, or swerve and dent your car?
A: I always attempt to swerve, my heart is just big like that, but if it comes to a dent in my car or killing a squirrel, then I'm far more likely to continue my part in the never ending fight to stop the overpopulation of squirrels. Little animals may be cute, but, until I can afford to replace dented fenders without it noticeably affecting my bank account, they better stay out of my way.

Wait. What?

2007-04-18T13:58:00.000-05:00

When I look back at my life it all seems quite dizzying. It truly is like spinning really fast in circles and then trying to run towards a static object. I see where I want to go, even if it is a bit blurry at the moment, but when run for it I veer wildly off track and collapse on top of myself and then continue to roll violently several times on the ground. Fun right?! In theory, yes, but my life has been about as consistent as a celebrity's love life and I’m tired of it. I make plans. I follow through. Everything looks spectacular. Then, BLAM!!! Everything, quite unexpectedly, changes. In three years I’ve moved four times, soon to be a fifth. None of those moves were expected. None of them were planned. It’s true that change happens to everyone, but the changes in my life were all caused by things so small that really, they shouldn’t have happened at all.

For example:

My freshman year of high school I had a crush on a girl that I had met at… well, I don’t remember where we met. It doesn’t really matter anyway. We were getting along great and things were going well until I found out that she started dating some other guy. Today, I could handle it, but back then my emotions were flighty at best and feelings of distraught quickly ensued. That night my mom told me she had been offered a job in another state, but if I didn’t want to move we didn’t have to. Well, I was pissed at that girl, so, in short, we moved three months later.

I quickly got over the girl and before we even moved I was already regretting my decision. If my mom had asked me on any other day I would have finished out my high school there and I honestly haven’t a clue as to where I’d be today, but it wouldn’t be within a hundred miles of here.

Then, there was college, the first one. I went to flight school, it was glorious, and I loved it all. Flying a plane on my own was a dream come true and I still hope to do it again someday. It was thanksgiving and I went out of town to visit my sister. It was a good distance away so I stayed a couple days. Now, normally, every time (and I mean EVERY time) I get out of my car I lock the doors. It’s habit. I don’t think about it, I just do it. For some reason, though, when I arrived at my sister’s house I didn’t lock them. Consequently, everything out of my car was stolen. That includes all my clothes that I yet to bring in the house, my stereo, and all my school books and flight equipment. Several thousand dollars worth of stuff were gone forever. I was devastated. Since I’ve always been, and still am, poor as hell, replacing all my equipment was impossible and I had to drop out of school. Dreams crushed, oh well, whatever. After that I moved back home again and quickly lost myself in depression and bumhood.

Maybe if I had locked the doors they just would have broken a window. Or, I could have gone to my parent’s house instead. Either way, if that one thing wouldn’t have happened, I would probably being drifting down towards the runway for a landing with crossed fingers, hoping I had taught my new student well enough for him to not kill us on his first attempt.

After that came the girl. She still drives me crazy, and that’s just the way I like it. I never would have really met her though, if I hadn’t been completely out of character for a day. Anyone that knows me also knows that I’m shy. I’m rarely the loudest person in a room and it’s not at all likely that I’ll be the one to start up a conversation with people I don’t know. On this zany day however, I got a hold that girl and asked her if she wanted to do something. I knew her previously as a friend of a friend, but we had never really done anything together. I don’t know why I did it, but I did, and I’ve been happier for it ever since.

That was almost two years ago and if I hadn’t done what I did that day, I certainly wouldn’t be here today. I would likely be doing the same thing, but I chose to go to school at this location because it was close to her.

That leads to where I’m going now. A couple weeks ago that girl was distressed. School wasn’t going well and she wasn’t so sure of what she was doing anymore. I suggested culinary school and she went for it. She really went for it. Less than a week later and we were making plans to move to Denver. Exciting! Unexpected. This was a very spontaneous decision and she is not known doing such things, especially when they’re very big things, like moving several hundred miles away to do something she thought was impossible and moving in with her boyfriend. I can’t wait for it to all pan out though and get settled in Denver. It will be a whole new adventure. That’s happening in late October for those of you that don’t know and were curious.

I am happy where I’m at in life, and I wouldn’t be where I am if just one of those small things hadn’t happened exactly when they did. So really, all those things ended up working out for the better, but for once I'd like to settle down for a while and just follow through with my original plans.

I could go on and list even more things that, if they had happened on any other day or even in a slightly different manner, would have completely changed where I am, and even who I am, today. That’s just too much work, and I’m sure no one even read this far anyway.

I'm ok. Am I ok?

2007-04-13T02:31:00.000-05:00

Yes I'm bored.

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid		22%
Schizoid		66%
Schizotypal		46%
Antisocial		34%
Borderline		46%
Histrionic		22%
Narcissistic		18%
Avoidant		22%
Dependent		42%
Obsessive-Compulsive		42%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Disorder Info
Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

I'm completely happy with these results and I don't care what anybody else thinks. Except for you.

No not you.

P.S.

I apologize for the awkward spacing. Blogger is just awesome like that.

What Happened?

2007-04-12T18:32:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have days where everything feels hopeless?

The last couple of days has been like that for me and I can't figure out why. Nothing happened. There were no significant life changing (or life ruining) events. I just feel blah. It's not that I'm sad or upset. I don't need to cry or scream at something. I just feel like laying on the floor for hours and doing nothing. I don't want to think anything, or see anything, or hear... anything. Blah blah blah. I need to get out of this rut.

Pickled Me

2007-04-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

You know what I hate? Being in a pickle. You know what else I hate? That it's called "being in a pickle," because I love pickles. They are yummy and different kinds are great for different things. But this pickle that I am in is not good. In fact it is very bad, and I don't know what to do about it. I basically have two choices, but both of them suck. Sigh. Why can't metaphorical pickles be as good as real pickles?

Tag! I'm it.

2007-03-31T10:57:00.000-05:00

HAHA!!!! Blogger once again decided to kill my post, but this time my large amounts of ingenuity, raw talent and luck (ok it was pretty much just luck) allowed me to get it all back! Woo! Ok, back to what I was doing.

I got tagged by Contessa.

Here's the rules:

1. Get tagged
2. List five things that have not been revealed on your blog.
3. Tag five others.

It's taken me a while to unlazy my bones and get this done but here it is, finally.

I apologize if any of these actually have been mentioned, on this blog or any of my previous ones. I tend to post sporadically and randomly which leads to much forgetting of posted subjects. But here goes nothing.

1. I love to fly. A lot. I actually went to flight school right out of high school. At one time I wanted to be a commercial pilot. If I had continued in that direction there's a good chance that at this moment I'd be teaching a new student to fly. That is part of why I quit. To be a commercial pilot one must first spend several years as an instructor to build up flight hours. The more hours and experience, the more likely you are to be hired by American Airlines or whoever. Also, I discovered that flying commercial jets isn't really much like flying at all. It's more like doing paperwork with the occasional press of a button here and flipping of a switch there. Flying small planes though, is pure joy and exhilaration. I love it, a lot. That's why someday I'm going to go back and get my private pilot's license and buy myself a "light aircraft" so I can enjoy the freedom of flying again. It really was glorious. There's no better view of the sunset, or city skyline, or landscape, or anything really, than there is from about 4,000 feet up. Taking off is always quite the thrill as well.

2. Balloons!!! They're ok I guess. But, used correctly they are a blast. The only way to use them correctly, in my opinion, is to have a lot of them. Ten is not a lot. Fifty is not a lot. Two hundred is a lot. Five hundred is better, or a thousand. Then you have to take that "a lot," blow them up, and fill a room with them. (Tip: get an airpump, or multiple people, blowing up that many balloons is no easy task. Also, smaller rooms are easier to fill.) It might sound childish, but really, when I did it, it was way more fun than even I expected! It was thrilling even! I did it about a year ago and it made me feel twelve again. It truly brought back the joy and worryless days of childhood. Just standing in a room full of balloons, or kicking them around, or swimming in them, it's fun, in the best way possible. Really, it is. It's also something I recommend everyone do. Go now!

3. Religion isn't really something I talk a lot about, on this blog or anywhere else. I am religious though. I was raised as a southern baptist and I suppose I still consider myself that, but I've probably only been to church three times in the last year. If that. I do believe in God and Jesus and all that jazz, I just don't always like or agree them. I mean seriously, read the Bible and you'll find some really messed up things. My entire family is extremely religious though. I truly am the outcast among them, they just don't know it because I hide it well. I have a feeling that if they knew much about who I really am they might be a little upset. They're nice people though so I'm sure they'd "forgive me." I really don't think I need to be forgiven though, so I'll just keep it to myself for now. I'm really not a bad person. I'm just not, as my super awesome friend Elycia would say, a big 'C' Christian, I'm a little 'c'. My faith just isn't faithful enough for my family.

4. I'm sure I've talked about this before, but not really in depth. I don't think anyway. I love to travel. If I could, I would do nothing but that. When I say travel, that doesn't nessecarily mean to specific destinations either. I just like to go. To where? It doesn't really matter, as long as it's some place new and there's a chance for adventure. Some day, I hope to be able to do nothing but travel. If only for a year or so. That is my dream. I don't care so much to see cities or monuments. Although they are impressive, and some of them I do consider worth seeing, they hold nothing to nature, in my opinion. Mountains, waterfalls and rainforests are right up my alley and I want to see as many of them as I can. It just costs money and time, neither of which I have right now. Someday though, I will have my adventure, and you're all invited.

5. Finally, there's my girlfriend. I am an extremly independant person, which lately has been driving her crazy, but I don't know what I'd do without her. She's the light of life, the apple of my eye, the blah blah blah and all that other mushy stuff too. We've been dating a year and eight months, though it seems longer, and though there have been rough times, it's all been worth it. I don't know how she puts up with me sometimes though. I've done some pretty stupid things. That's just part of why she's so great. She's also smart, funny, and makes me happier than I've ever been. The fact that she's absolutely gorgeous helps too. :) I love her more than anything, and if everything goes right I'll never have to stop.

Woo, I made it! That was kind of hard, but worth. Now I get to do my homework, which is why I was really doing this post. Procrastination, how I love thee. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Oh, and I'm not tagging anybody. It's just not my style. Which really means that I don't have anybody to tag.

One More Time

2007-03-26T21:15:00.000-05:00

Here's a very short version of the "post that never was" that I referred to earlier today. It was much more exciting and inspiring but I'm too lazy to do it all over again.

It was about this post:
(from a different blog of mine long ago)

Do you ever feel alone in a crowd? It seems improbable, but I know I'm not the only who has felt alone in spite of all the loving friends that I know I have. Sometimes people feel alone no matter how many people care about them. They know they have great friends that would do anything for them. They know they aren't really alone. So why do they seem to feel so utterly lonely so often? How can something that isn't real hurt so much? How can I make it go away? It's not fair to feel like I'm missing something when I don't even know what that something is. How would I even know if I found that something? Would I suddenly become happy, just like that? I just wish I knew what I was looking for. But would it make a difference if I did know? Am I really missing anything at all, or do I already have everything I need? Maybe I've already found that something and I just failed to realize it. Maybe I should look closer at what I already have and I would find that that something has been beside me all along. Just maybe. After all, how can I appreciate what is standing beside me, when all I've been doing is trying to peek over the horizon?

And this picture:

And the song Lonely Day by System of a Down. I had linked a streaming copy of it to this post but it wasn't exactly legitimate and was far too difficult to do again.

Then I wrote something like "lonely this, not so lonely that," and that's where you went "ooh very deep and inspiring," and the world was a better place for all.

But really, since I posted about that loneliness however long ago I've learned a lot about myself. And I've realized that no matter how much times and no matter how much I think I know about myself, tomorrow, or the next day, I will still learn something new. Because that's what life is about, partly: learning and improving. I've learned that some feelings can be misattributed or just not as bad I originally thought; and I've learned that sometimes I need to detach myself less, and get in there and get dirty (not literally) more.

So, although this post has really ended up having nothing to do with the aforementioned "post that never was," if you had read them both, you would say that they are somewhat similar and generally originate in the same general area of thought and... stuff.

Thanks!

2007-03-26T12:30:00.000-05:00

I hate blogger. I just spent an hour trying to get a post to work. Then I pressed publish. Then blogger politely apologized for it's inability to publish my post whilst completely deleting it and disallowing me to fix it or find it ever again. So much for the "Recover post" function, it works about as well as shit does for syrup on waffles. So thank you blogger for wasting my time you stupid piece of crap.

Books!

2007-03-24T15:29:00.000-05:00

I borrowed this from Contessa and since most of my friends and I enjoy reading I thought it would be fun, or at least interesting.

Instructions:
Look at the list of books below.
• Bold the ones you’ve read.
• Italicise the ones you want to
• Don't do anything to the ones that you aren’t interested in.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMavrier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

I'd say I did ok. How many have you read?

Little Kid Jokes

2007-03-19T15:20:00.000-05:00

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's art work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,"They will in a minute."
.......................................................................
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old's. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy Father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"One little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
.....................................................................
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class."How did that happen?" gasped her mother."It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
.......................................................................
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said,"Mommy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
.......................................................................
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael. He's a doctor.'"A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher.She's dead."
..................................................................
For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment.Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!

How the?!

2007-03-16T17:40:00.000-05:00

Today I was wondering, and thinking, and wondering some more... How is it that some people can talk about absolutely nothing and make it sound interesting and important? I don't update this blog very often because I really don't have much to say, but, mostly, neither does anyone else. Basically, people blog about their day, thoughts, and generally random things, with a few unique stories here and a few meme's/personality quizzes there. I used to think I envied people's lives because they were more interesting, but really I just envy their writing skills.

This was fun

2007-03-16T15:25:00.001-05:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Ugh...

2007-02-28T17:27:00.000-06:00

I just spent 3 hours taking my math final and I'm spent. I hate math and I never want to take it again. Too bad a get to start all over with a new math class on monday. Oh well. The show must go on... or something. I am happy though, that my weekend starts today. So at least now I get to relax, sort of. My brain is too tired to say anything else, so I think I'm just going to have some banana bread and chocolate milk. Yay for chocolate milk.

Graaaahhh!!

2007-02-21T05:44:00.000-06:00

After holding off as long as I possibly could blogger finally forced me to switch to the "new" blogger. Bastards!

Oh well, at least it's been warm outside the last couple of days. All of the snow even melted. Yay!

Baby!

2007-02-15T15:17:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I found out that, after trying for several months, my sister is pregnant. It's all very exciting. I've never been an Uncle before or really even been around babies that often.

They actually kind of make me nervous. I don't know why. Maybe it's because they're so small I'm afraid I'm going to hurt them. Or maybe it's because if they start to cry I'll think it's my fault and I won't know what to do. Or I could just be afraid of being pooped, peed, or puked on. Whatever it is, it's kept me from ever wanting to hold a baby.

I'm sure my sister will want me to hold hers though. So eventually I'm going to have to get over it. But seriously, it's kind of scary. The thing is, someday I'm going to want kids of my own. So, I guess practicing on my sisters baby won't hurt. We'll see what happens. She said she's about 7 weeks along so I've go plenty of time to get used to the idea. It's definitely exciting, but I really don't think I'm baby compatible. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Stop! In the Name of the Law!

2007-01-23T00:31:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I was driving hope when something quite ridiculous happened. I approached a stop light and got into the left turn lane, behind a police officer. The light was green going for those going straight be it was a "turn on green arrow only" light, and the arrow was red. I wasn't in a hurry, I didn't mind the wait.

The police officer, however, didn't want to wait. There was no one coming from the other direction so he hastily turned on his red and blue lights, pulled away and completed his left turn. At first I thought he had been called for some type of emergency, but no, it became apparent he wasn't. After clearing the intersection he promptly turned off his lights and continued on his merry way. Wait, what?! Did that cop just turn on his lights for the sole purpose of going through a red light?! Yes, yes he did.

I then pulled up to the line and waited for the light to turn green. Waiting... waiting... ah, there we go. If only everything could break the rules like the people who make and enforce them do. Wouldn't it be great?

Eggs

2007-01-14T19:24:00.000-06:00

Deviled Eggs
Hard Boiled Eggs
Scrambed Eggs with Ketchup
Scrambed eggs with Ham and/or Bacon cooked in and Mapyle Syrup
Eggs Over Easy
Egg Sandwhich with Ham and/or Bacon
Cheese Omelet
Ham and Bacon Omelet
Egg Salad
Egg Drop Soup
French Toast
Plus all the baked goodies that you need Eggs for

and that's just the one's I like (in no particular order). There are a few other yucky ways to make eggs but they are... well... yucky.

Slide

2007-01-12T16:13:00.000-06:00

It's ice storming again. That makes three this year so far. I hate ice, a lot. I especially hate driving in ice. Snow isn't so bad, but ice, it sucks. I don't even like ice in my drinks. It always bump my upper lip unless I have a straw and I don't really like straws. You don't need ice to have ice cold drinks anyway. I can't wait for winter to be over. Stupid winter. Who ever invented winter anyway?

Also, apparantly my school doesn't care about my life. Apparantly they want me to die in a terrible car crash on my way to school because they NEVER close. It doesn't matter how bad the weather is, they just expect me to go out into the freezing rain and ice and slide all the way there. I've already missed class once because I couldn't get up the hill out of my neighborhood. The nerve of some people. Seriously.

I hate winter.

Friends, Family, Fun...

2007-01-06T23:31:00.000-06:00

Christmas was fun. New Years was fun, even though I slept through it. I saw old friends and spent time with family. I got stuck in an icestorm and drove into a ditch trying to get out of it. It didn't ruin my holidays though. The delicious food kept me full, the board games kept me laughing, the ice skating and kids kept me exhausted, the hot tub helped me relax. Overall I had a good time, but I can definitely wait until next year.

Thoughts

2006-12-20T16:24:00.000-06:00

- I have a 40 GB hard drive in my 5 year old computer and I currently have 11 MB of space left. I need a new computer, seriously. :(

-It's raining today, and that makes me happy. Yay for rain.

-Thanks a lot. Now I can't stop watching the baby channel. Stupid babies.

-Lava is hot, really hot.

-That last thought wasn't random. I'm watching the History Channel. Yeah I'm cool.

-Who knew you could do so many things with eggs?

-I feel old saying that I like getting Christmas cards, but I do.

-I think I broke my heel and forgot about it. Seriously, it hurts a lot and I don't know why.

-Only 2 more days of school. Yes!

-And... I really like Christmas music, even if I don't really like the holiday itself. Is that weird?

What the?!

2006-12-20T02:41:00.000-06:00

Do you ever hear a really really weird song and think "What kind of crazy people listen to this crap?" and then realize that you can't stop listening to it simply because it's so intriguing and then you realize that you are now one of those crazy people?

Yeah me neither.

Oh, The Holidays

2006-12-18T22:36:00.000-06:00

I really never know what to think about the holidays. There are so many things to do, so many commitments, things to remember and lots of stress. Boo stress. You have to find the right gift, plan the right dinner and then worry about eating too much of it as well as spend time with people you otherwise avoid the rest of the year. It's all a bunch of excitment that masks even more stress and as much as I like holidays, sometimes it's just too much. That's why my favorite holiday is the Fourth of July. That's the only holiday that is stress free for me. I do what I want, with who I want, and the best part... I get to blow shit up. No stress, instead, stress relief. It's the only holiday that I miss when it's over. I could seriously blow stuff up all year round. Fireworks are my best friend. Yep.

Let It Snow

2006-11-30T21:50:00.000-06:00

Tuesday it got up to 70 degrees. Wednesday it got up to 40 before noon and after that it just got colder and freezing rain ensued. Today it got up to 24 and snowed about 5 inches, so far. It's not that I hate snow, really. I just hate the cold. especially when 2 days ago I was wearing a t-shirt outside. I wasn't ready for this at all.

My poor car wasn't ready either. My house is on a dead end street and there's only way way out and that's up a hill. After the freezing rain the hill was nothing but ice. I backed out of my driveway and as I stepped on the breaks... my car didn't stop. I couldn't get back up the hill even to my driveway so I had to park it on the side of the street and give up. It was sad.

After it had been snowing for a while I finally got the car back in the driveway but seriosly, something is going to have to be done because I missed a class t0day because I couldn't get out of my neighborhood and that can't be done again. I definitely can't afford to salt the whole road either. I'll think of something I'm sure. Until then, I'm gonna go play in the snow!

2006-11-27T22:41:00.000-06:00

Dear Green Bay Packers,

I love you, but I hate that you suck. Please start winning so I can continue to cheer for you without shame. I know you have a lot of rookies, so it's not all your fault; hopefully you'll do better next year. Brett Favre, you are my favorite player ever. If I were the type to have heroes, you would be it. You are old however, I'm not saying you should retire but you can't hold the team on your shoulders anymore and it's sad. Mike McCarthy, so far I'm not impressed. As head coach you have a responsibility and you're just not doing a great job. New quarterback guy that will be replacing Brett Favre whenver he does retire, you have a lot to live up to. Favre is not only one of the best quarterbacks ever, but one of the most loved as well. He's a true franchise quarterback. You better not fuck up my team. That's all.

Through thick and thin,
Loyal Packer Fan

What Is This Life?

2006-11-27T02:24:00.000-06:00

I like to say I don't believe in fate. I like to say that I control my life and that there is no such thing as a predetermined destiny, but so far, nothing has gone the way I expected it. Every year I'm somewhere completely different that where I expected to be. As every new year passes, I realize that what I expected hasn't come to pass and I'm somewhere entirely unexpected. Not only that, but my perspectives change unexpectedly as well.

What I believed in with every part of my being yesterday I no longer give a second thought today. Sometimes it's a process and sometimes it happens overnight. Either way, things change and who knows where I'll be in a year? Not me. I could tell you what I think, but that hasn't turned out to be right in the last 3 years. Oh well, as long as I'm here, it doesn't really matter where exactly"here" is. As long as I'm alive and well it doesn't really matter how I got "here." Really, as long as I'm happy, nothing else matters.

And that's that.

Ready or Not

2006-11-10T12:21:00.000-06:00

I've started about 97 blogs now in my attempt to keep on topic and not just go about randomly talking about this and that. This leads to confusion and no one ends up knowing what I'm talking about. But now I just don't care, my brain isn't organized and neither are the thoughts that come from it so this blog probably won't be either but oh well. It's my blog I'll do what I want with it. The end, for now.

Confused?!

2006-10-13T07:43:00.000-05:00

The best things in life are free.
Nothing in this world is free.

Ok... so where does that leave me?

P.S. - I'm not addicted, because I don't have to keep doing it. I just really really want to.

I Love You....

2006-09-22T00:48:00.000-05:00

...but I'll never say it to your face...

I feel so old, I feel so tender
I've done this before but now I send her
away because this time it's me who's lost
because I took too much without regard to the cost
of the lives that were ruined
and the hearts that were broken,
and the innocence of such feelings unspoken.
So now I end it before it can start.
I'll run from the world to save a soft heart
from the pain that would break it
and hurt that would make it,
the world, in the end, fall apart.

Don't you know?

Who Are We?

2006-09-06T00:03:00.000-05:00

Do you really believe that people accept the love they think they deserve?

Why does no one really want what they say they want?

Why can't people be honest about themselves?

In a land where hope grew on trees
and dreams fell from the sky,
everyone was happy and all was well
but they were living a lie.

Is it better to live a happy lie or a miserable truth?

In a land where dreams were never had
and hope was wept away,
everyone was sad and all was hell
but the truth was there to stay.

Why do people fear the truth?

Those too weary to tell the truth
are safe from storm's embrace
Only those who hold truth to their hearts
can feel sweet weather's grace.

2 quotes;

"The truth hurts."
and
"The truth will set you free."

Which is true?
Both?
Which is easier?
Is there a difference between true happiness and the regular kind?

How do you make someone see the truth?
How do you make them believe that true happiness is better when they must face "The truth hurts" before they can learn that "The truth will set you free?"

Moonbaby

2006-09-03T16:52:00.000-05:00

I love you because you took me to the moon
I hate you because you didn't teach me how to walk in low gravity
So now I'm floating around, lost in a world that isn't mine
And though I'll always enjoy the view, I'm afraid I'll never reach the ground

-Erik

Untitled

2006-09-02T11:49:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a day
where it's raining in your head?
Where the voices keep whispering,
"Soon you'll be dead."
And you you know that you're doomed,
and you know that you're dying,
and you're left in the dark
all alone and crying
for all the people lost
that could have done better,
for the faces forgotten
in stormy weather,
for all the battles fought
by the people who care
when you were left behind
and should have been there.
But what does it matter
in a world such as this,
where nothing ever changes
but expanding greediness,
where matters of the heart
no longer hold sway
and love is a weakness
that is dying away.
It's not a sin
but a tragedy all the same
when all that matters
is winning the game.

I wrote this last night in a fit of randomness. It doesn't really have a point but whatever. It also doesn't have an ending but knowing me I'll never get around to writing one so I figured I'd post it as is.

Thoughts For The Day

2006-08-31T17:31:00.000-05:00

1. Shit happens, get over it.

2. Think about the solution, not the problem.

Hey Cool

2006-08-30T17:47:00.000-05:00

Work sucked today cause I had a battle with an airconditioner and it cut up my hands. I vented my anger on it though and it's now resting in it's grave, I wasted that piece. Anyway, I feel better now, promise.

P.S.

The angry person has always been there, I just don't usually let it out of it's cage.

Tired But Worth It

2006-08-28T17:47:00.000-05:00

The zoo was sweet, there were animals, they were funny. The girl I went with is Jackie but everyone calls her Yoshi, I don't know why. We ended up going to the zoo on Sunday instead of Saturday but we did play guitar hero Saturday night. It's pretty much like Dance Dance Revolution but with a guitar. It was frickin sweet!

Sunday after the zoo we went to a coffee shop and did cross word puzzles and just chilled out. After that we went to see some bands play at The Hive and I got my groove on. It was way cool. Then the after party, woo! I met a crap of cool people this weekend. Talk about a different crowd than I usually hang out with, but it was great.

And this is Yoshi. She's crazy and hilarious and fun all at the same time and she makes it all look easy! She's also Korean, though I don't really know what that has to do with anything. Basically I had a wicked fun weekend doing stuff that I don't usually do, which is great cause I like trying new things, if not new foods.

2006-08-26T19:42:00.000-05:00

I miss you... all of you.

I miss your style.
I miss your smile.
I miss your comforting touch.
I miss our adventures.
I miss our walks.
I miss doing nothing with you.
I miss doing everything with you.
I miss your cooking.
I miss feeling safe with you.
I miss feeling wanted with you.
I miss feeling like a kid with you.
I miss playing games with you.
I miss you, and who knows when we'll meet again, who knows if we'll ever meet again.

Let's Go To The Zoo!

2006-08-24T00:42:00.000-05:00

Saturday I'm going to the zoo with a girl I've never met and who I know very little about. I don't even know her name but I'm meeting her at Starbuck's at 10am. It should be quite the adventure!

P.S.

At some point we're going to have a water gun fight as well. :P

Lost in Time

2006-08-23T00:11:00.000-05:00

Where did the summer go anyway?

My House

2006-08-18T22:05:00.000-05:00

I bought this house today and I'm moving in next week, isn't that exciting?!?!?!

Ok not really, but that would be cool right? It's actually an art museum that used to be somebody's house. I like art, a lot, but the reflecting pool and garden was my favorite part about the place. It was all just gorgeous.

This was just a sweet statue that made me laugh. I thought it was clever.

Oh Despair

2006-08-15T18:37:00.000-05:00

Shitty day, shitty day. My car died and now I need a new alternater, $275, and that's just to get it running, there's still a lot more than needs fixing. My parents definition of borrowing money doesn't include giving it back, $350. Now I can't afford to go to Kansas City this weekend to look for a place to live in about a month in a half. I work my ass off for shitty wages and when all is said I done I have nothing to show for it. It feels like everything is falling apart. Blah.

P.S.

If you should happen to have about $50,000 that I could borrow to pay for college, that would be super.

Good VS Evil

2006-08-14T20:42:00.000-05:00

Today I did a good deed. A lady's car stalled at a stop light during rush hour, sucky for her. So I pulled up behind her and pushed her car into a parking lot. It was hot, the parking lot wasn't close and I was already tired from working all day. It sucked and I was tired afterward but she was really nice and thankful. So yay for being a good person.

Then I was driving through a parking lot and a guy was carrying an adorable little baby and it was sleeping against it's shoulder and for some reason I had a deep urge to honk my horn to scare the baby and wake it up. I didn't do it, cuz that would be terribly mean, but I really wanted to. Just thinking about doing it made me laugh, a lot.

I may be a good person, but sometimes I wish I could be a bad person, because it's way more fun.

Arg

2006-08-11T20:16:00.000-05:00

I really hate to argue, but when some one says something that I disagree with I have to make my point. I can't help myself. Why is that?

Another Day, Another Dollar

2006-08-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

I don't really have anything to say, but I thought I should post something here to give my millions of viewers something to do. Yeah, I'm nice like that. Life has pretty much settled down for me right now. Most days are the same; eat, sleep, work. Yeehaw! Or something like that. Work isn't bad, sometimes I get to do something fun, but most the of time it's just work. Oh well. I apologize for my rambling, like I said, I don't have anything to say, I'm just typing. If you want you can just skip to the end you won't probably won't miss anything.

Lately I've been listening to country music a lot. I don't know why, I used to hate country music with a passion. Now, however, I can't get enough of it. Do you think maybe I'm getting sick? I don't know, that's for sure, but oh well, it could be worse. I could be hooked on late night cartoons. Oh wait...

So I found out today that Monday night football isn't dead after all. It just moved to ESPN. Thank the Lord! I don't know what I would have done without my Monday night football. It wouldn't have been pretty. I'm excited about this season, it should be eventful for my team even though they suck, lots of players were traded and big things are happening. Maybe in three or four years they'll win the Superbowl again. Woo!

I also found out that I'm being kicked out of my house for four days at the end of the month. Park bench here I come! I don't know what I'm gonna do without my hole to hide in, without my computer or TV. This could be dangerous for my health, or it could be an adventure, yeah, an adventure.

Is anyone still reading this? That bored huh... must be tough, maybe you should kick yourself out of your house for four days and have your own adventure. Everyone needs adventure now and then. It's so hot in y room, seriously, I'm burning up in here. I'm gonna take some clothes off, toodles.

Old Man

2006-07-28T17:40:00.000-05:00

I'm 21 today. Where are mah presents eh?!

A Measure of One's Worth

2006-07-22T16:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I feel like a bright shiny penny. I'm pround and happy because I'm nice and shiny, so pretty and new looking. And then I'm reminded of my worth. I'm reminded that it doesn't matter how much I shine, I'm still just a penny, not worth picking up. I may be the best at what I am, but what I am is worth nothing. Even the worst dime is my better. Even the ugliest quarter holds more value. So really, what does it matter to be the best, if the best you can be is nothing?

Left Behind

2006-07-20T18:05:00.000-05:00

At work, part of my job includes cleaning out apartments that people recently moved out of. Now, anytime I've ever moved, the place I left was spotless. Nothing was left behind, a lot was thrown away, but the place was clean. After clearing out a few apartments, it's amazing to see what people think of as unimportant, not worth taking with them to their new life.

I've found all sorts of things. Sentimental things like photographs, poems, love letters, and wedding cards. Clothes, lots and lots of clothes. Food, everything from chips to leftover mac & cheese to beer. There have even been sex toys, glow in the dark sex toys. When I say all sorts, I mean it.

When I'm going through all this old stuff, the trash, the leftovers, the left behind, I wonder what their owners were thinking when they decided to leave it behind. What was Amber thinking when she left behind her Highschool diploma? What was Jessica thinking when she left behind pictures of her beautiful baby girl? What was Mark thinking when he left behind wedding cards from his family and friends?

Looking through their stuff, I feel like I know those people, but really, I only know what they left behind.

Alas

2006-07-18T21:45:00.000-05:00

Ahahahahahaha! I was right after all, the only difference is that now, I'm ok with it... for the most part.

And...

Hopes and dreams are wonderful things, but sometimes they hide a truth that needs to be seen.

"Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered for they are gone forever."
-Horace Mann

Sizzle

2006-07-17T19:17:00.000-05:00

AAAAHHH!!! I'm. On. FIRE! Today it got up to 112 degrees! And I was out in it for 8 HOURS! That's just not right, seriously. I could literally feel my skin burning, it was hot. But, I did get to get in the pool for like 3 whole minutes, it was quite refreshing.

Other than that, this morning I woke up feeling pretty much dead and extremely depressed. But through cunning and the taking of chances, things are better and guess what, I'm happy, for now. I told some one earlier than I'm so moody right now that I feel like I'm on my period, which is totally true, even though I'll never have a period, at least I hope not, that would be creepy.

Anyway, life is good, or bad, whatever, I'm dealing with it. I just wish it wasn't so friggin hot outside

Crap.

2006-07-16T19:41:00.000-05:00

I learned a lot this weekend, sitting in the boat, listening to the waves softly lap against the side of the boat. While I laid there, my skin soaking up the sun, my brain was soaking as well. I thought a lot about things and came to several conclusions, none good. But that's life isn't it. It seems only the ignorant are happy and the ones that think too much think themselves into sadness, pain, loneliness, depression. I've always hated stupid people, but maybe I'm just jealous because they're happier than I am.

I Promise

2006-07-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

It's so much harder to wake up on days that you have nothing at all to look forward to.

Someday, I will have something to look forward to everyday. That's a promise.

2006-07-08T15:57:00.000-05:00

A cold shower after being out in the hot sun is a wonderful thing.

I Wish

2006-07-04T21:35:00.000-05:00

Is it at all possible to be completely happy with every aspect of your life?

It should be possible and I'm enough of a dreamer to hope it's possible, but honestly, I can't make myself believe that it really can happen.

If I could give someone anything in the world, I would give them that, because what truly could be better?

Ugh.

2006-07-03T19:26:00.000-05:00

Dammit!

I'm extremely thankful, but still, it sucks.

I think I might like to make my own fireworks someday.

I like America, we have problems, but we blow shit up to celebrate our independence, seriously.

I have a satellite dish and my back seat, I don't know what I'm gonna do with it, but I think it's awesome, yeah.

Spontaneity is my lifeblood. Seriously, without it I think I would drown. I just wish I had the resources to be spontaneous all the time.

I don't know if you've noticed, but each thought is getting longer and longer. That's not on purpose I promise, it just happened like that. No really, it did.

I really like flying, I love flying, but I have a new appreciating for boating. It's extremely relaxing or exhilarating or whatever you want it to be. Plus it's cheaper and less complicated.

I'm thirsty.

Bye.

I Are Bored

2006-06-15T12:54:00.000-05:00

This is a completely random post about things I've done and things I'd rather be doing than sitting here on me bum and watching TV.

I have...
lied to a police officer.
stapled my own arm.
attempted to count the stars.
viewed planets up close through a telescope.
swam underneath a waterfall.
swam in an ocean.
chased cows around a field.
been chased by ducks around a pond.
been to a profesional baseball and basketball game.
broken into someone's house.
broken into a theme park.
won first place in a sporting event.
been rock climbing.
been in a duel to the death with a muskrat.
eaten food off the floor the after the 5 second rule had breen broken.
worn womens underwear.
flown an airplane from take off to landing.

I want to be...
backpacking across Europe.
white water rafting through the Grand Canyon.
skydiving.
skubadiving.
swimming with dolpins.
running with bulls. (In Spain of course)
sailing across the Atlantic.
exploring uninhabited islands in the middle of nowhere.
driving without a destination or limits on time and distance.
eating spaghetti in Italy or lo mein in China.

And that's all folks... for now anyway.

Be Cool, Stay In School

2006-06-12T23:29:00.000-05:00

Haha! I finally got my orientation, registration and placement tests set up for school. So I get to go to Kansas City this Saturday, yay!

Here's a quick brief of what I'm actually doing for school, for those of you that don't know. In November I'll start going to DeVry University in Kansas City, MO. I think I've finally decided on going for the Bachelor of Science Degree in Electrical Engineering. It should take about 3 years which is good cuz 4 years is just too many. Eventually I'd like to work on satellites but with a degree like that I can do a lot of things. Also, after the first year the school will set up an internship so I can start getting experience in my field while I'm at school. Sweet right? I think so.

Anyway, I'm pretty much super excited about the whole thing. I am nervous about the placement tests since I've been out of school for a while but I know that once I actually start taking classes I'll be fine, I am almost a genius after all. So, if you have a second on Saturday, wish me luck!

My Camera and I

2006-06-09T16:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I finally got that camera that I've been wanting for forever and ever. I like it a lot, it's exciting, I'm excited, hooray for me! Well anyway, I actually got it like a month ago but whatever, and I took some pictures with it, cuz that's what you do with cameras. I took a lot of pictures, no really, I have a crap load. So, here are some of them for your viewing pleasure.

hello!

this is south dakota, where it's rainy and sunny at the same time, gotta love the midwest

this spider was tiny, like smaller than my pinky nail tiny.

Antagonism of the Soul

2006-06-04T22:57:00.000-05:00

Some days I can say nothing but, "I'm sorry."
Some days I can feel nothing but shame.
Some days I wish for the courage,
to end this constant pain.

Actually I'm Pretty White Right Now

2006-04-27T09:47:00.000-05:00

Your Aura Colour is Physical Tan.

Find out what colour your aura is.

Physical Tans are soldiers and boyscouts. They are independent, responsible, sober, cautious, deliberate, calculated, dignified, reticent, individualistice and physical. They can be rigid and inflexible.
Physical Tans are one of the three Eclipse Colors. An eclipse is different from an overlay. To have an eclipse in the aura means that the individual has two bands of color that completely surround the body, one outside the other. These two colors are interpreted as one color. This distinctive color pairing has its own character and personality style; it is not a marriage of the characteristics of the two colors that make up the combination. The two colors that make up Physical Tan arc Mental Tan and Green. While Mental Tan and Green are both in the Mental Family of colors, the eclipse combination of the colors produces personality and character traits similar to those of the Yellow. Therefore, Physical Tan is one of the Physical (body) Personality Spectrums colors. Physical Tans experience themselves as the physical center of the three-dimensional world that surrounds them. Their bodies behave like sonar sensing devices. They are constantly sending out signals and absorbing the echoes, translating the messages physically so that they can then process them mentally. The strength of this color combination is that both components are independent, responsible, and willing to be theft own authority. This means that people with this Eclipse Colour tend to stand back and observe what is going on before they commit themselves. However, once committed, they are self starters and initiators. They have a sense of their own individualism, which they hold as sacred.

The greatest challenge for a Physical Tan is to develop flexibility. Their experience of life has reinforced their belief that in order to beloved, they must perform according to other people's expectations. To a Physical Tan, this means that they must carry out a task, fulfill an agreement, or deliver a product before they can experience acceptance and love. This tends to make them rigid and inflexible in their expectations of themselves and others. By understanding their own nature, they can come to know that there is a place for them in life, where they will have autonomy within the system.

My Kite and I

2006-04-21T07:09:00.000-05:00

The other day I bought a kite. Yeah, it sounds kind of childish and maybe it is. But I seriously loved flying it. I love flying things anyway, planes, birds, ballons, whatever. But when I was flying my kite a felt more free than I have in a long time. I really did feel a lot like a little kid. No worries, no problems, no stress, no pain. It was just me and my kite, soaring up in the sky. Yeah, maybe it sounds dumb. But it felt good to just have simple fun again. Really good. So, kite flying is my new hobby.

Musical Life

2006-04-21T06:43:00.000-05:00

Ok, I thought this was just kinda neat, plus I was bored.
Some of the things are like, "holy cow that's so true," and some are like, "holy cow I hope that's not true," and some don't make sense but that's ok, I had fun.
Plus I haven't posted in forever and a day. Oh, and I have a huge variety of music so don't make fun of my songs.

Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

Will I get far in life?
3 am - Matchbox Twenty

How do my friends see me?
Warning - Greenday

Where will I get married?
Mad World - Michael Andrews

What is my best friend’s theme song?
King of My World - Saliva

What is the story of my life?
Don't Shut Me Out - Keith Urban

What was high school like?
Wasted Years - Maroon 5

How can I get ahead in life?
Proudest Monkey - Dave Mathews Band

What is the best thing about me?
Trendy - Reel Big Fish

How is today going to be?
Take On Me - Reel Big Fish

What is in store for this weekend?
Middle of Nowhere - Hot Hot Heat

What song describes my parents?
Giving Up On Love - The Ataris

My grandparents?
You'll Be There - George Strait

How is my life going?
Running Out of Pain - Twelve Stones

What song will they play at my funeral?
A Better Place, A Better Time - Streetlight Manifesto

How does the world see me?
It Takes Some Time - Catch 22

Will I have a happy life?
To the Moon and Back - Savage Garden

What do my friends really think of me?
Dreamer - Ozzy Osbourne

Do people secretly lust after me?
Enter Sandman - Metallica

How can I make myself happy?
Pink - Don't Let Me Get Me

What should I do with my life?
Santa Monica - Everclear

Will I ever have children?
Counting Stars - Sugarcult

What is some good advice?
Best of Me - The Starting Line

What is my signature dancing song?
Bubble Toes - Jack Johnson

What do I think my current theme song is?
Runaway - Linkin Park

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Down With the Sickness - Disturbed

What type of men/women do you like?
Addicted - Simple Plan

Invisible

2006-03-13T18:34:00.000-06:00

Today I was sitting on the couch in my living room playing with my dog when my dad walked in the front door. He said hi to the dog but not to me... ouch.

The Death of a Nougat

2006-03-10T08:32:00.000-06:00

You know what? I hate the word Nougat. I don't like the way it's spelled, I don't like the sound of the word in general. The only redeeming fact of the word Nougat is that it belongs to a disgusting piece of foodish thing. This is a good thing because I would be deeply saddened by the irony of such a tasty morsel being given such a terrible name. Now, however, I can simply despise the word and the object altogether.

Today I crushed a nougat beneath my mighty fist and alas, it was no more. Sometimes, it's good to release the grumbling beast within, even if all you do is smash a little piece of candy.

Growing up too fast, or perhaps, too slow

2006-03-08T18:57:00.000-06:00

Change often comes too late, or worse, too early.

Change is inevitable. Whether I'm ready for it or not, it's going to happen. Sometimes, I want it to happen. Sometimes I can't wait, I wish things were different now and I hate that it's taking so long. There have been times when I wanted something to change, and by the time it did, the need was no longer there. I've been put in many a bad mood from that happening.

I'm quickly learning, though, that change is worse when it comes without notice, before I'm ready or just when I'm not as prepared as I thought I would be. I've always tried to be prepared for everything but realistically that's impossible. It's just not possible to foresee every possible outcome of any given situation. It's not possible to know what is going to happen or especially when. I can try, but it's not going to happen.

Then there are things that I don't want to be prepared for, things I'd rather not think about at all. Mostly big things, important things. I don't want to think about those things changing, leaving, ending, because then it makes it impossible for me to fully enjoy it while it's here. I mean really, I'm not going to enjoy a big juicy bacon cheeseburger nearly as much if I scarf it down in 3 seconds because I'm afraid some one is going to fly by and steal it. So I take my time, enjoy it fully while I can, and though it's sad when it's gone, I'm always happier at the end knowing I made the best of my time with that hamburger. And yeah, someday some crazy guy might fly by and steal my hamburger before I'm done, and I'll be very sad, but when I do finally get over my loss I won't have any regrets. (Ok, I'm not really that close to my hamburgers, it's a metaphor, or something).

Anyway, that's my thought for the day.

Word Cloud

2006-02-11T10:07:00.000-06:00

This is a "Word Cloud" that represents this blog. It's in alphabetical order and the most frequently used words are the largest. It represents the contents of my blog and I think it sums my thoughts, in general, fairly well. You can make your own at www.snapshirts.com.

On your mark, get set...

2006-02-09T20:40:00.000-06:00

I feel like if some one would go with me, I would leave right now. I would walk out my front door and not come back. I would leave my responsibilities, my commitments and my life behind and I wouldn't look back. I would have no plan, no direction, I would just... go.

Again

2006-02-09T20:13:00.000-06:00

Up
Out
Walk
Climb
Open
Eat
Sit
Stare
Talk
Prepare
Drive
Work
Stumble
Sleep
Every day
the same
I need more

Search in Progress...

2006-02-08T02:57:00.000-06:00

How am I supposed to find something when I don't even know what it is I'm looking for?

I think...

2006-01-24T07:37:00.000-06:00

The life society is trying to make me conform to is dumb.

Any volunteers to help me destroy society?!